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April 2008 Archive

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LOGONANISM (published 22 April, 2008)

The embarrassing new Office of Government Commerce logo (look at it sideways) has caused the Queensferry 3 Consortium to reconsider its similar rebranding exercise.

 

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ALGERNON RAZMATAZZ DIET (published 22 April, 2008)
Eat condensed milk sandwiches.
JOHN PRESCOTT DIET
Eat condensed milk sandwiches. Throw up.

 

 

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THE LITTLEST SQUIRREL (published 11 April, 2008)

Mark E Smith of The Fall has been castigated by the Daily Mail and Daily Telegraph and reported to the RSPCA following remarks made in an interview about slicing red squirrels with a hedge trimmer and running over seagulls. An unrepetant Mark said yesterday, 'Squirrels mean nothing to me.' Fact.

 

 

 

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DIRTY DALEK (published 11 April, 2008)

A heavily disguised Dalek has been spotted in a garden in Coatbridge attempting to mate with a compost bin. Dr Wha has been alerted.

 

 

 

 

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HILLARY'S HOWLERS (published 4 April, 2008)

Following the revelation that Hillary Clinton 'mis-spoke' in her assertion that she came under sniper fire in Bosnia in the past, we can exclusively reveal that she was also behind the 'water to wine' transformation sensation. Hear a full list of the woman's incredible achievements here: Hillary Clinton


 

 

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NEW SCOTTISH POUND COIN (published 4 April, 2008)

The Treasury has plumped for the fizzog of Donald Trump to adorn the new pound coin in Scotland. A spokesperson for money, Ivor Wad, said yesterday, 'Since Mr Trump is keen to buy up Northern Britain, we have decided to cut out the middle man and just fling the cash at him.'

 

 

 

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