LATEST ROYAL RELEASE (published 13 January 2005)

The ginger heir to the throne has unleashed the thrilling follow up to his hash hit, Pass the Duchy of Cornwall.

"Nazism has never rocked so good" - NME


NEW TRAVEL COMPANY LAUNCHED (published 13 January 2005)

Cut price holidays and cosy chats guaranteed. You'll never Wark alone as Kirsty the Clown entertains the punters at each resort. Special offers available for heids of state and that.

BAN ON SNOWING IN PUBLIC PLACES (published 20 January 2005)

The government has announced a ban on snowing in public places following an unprecedented amount of winter in recent days. Accordingly, a Minister for Weather, Guy Nippy, has now been appointed.

WETHERSPOONS BANS DRINKING (published 27 January 2005)

Following their decision to ban music and smoking in their premises, pub chain Wetherspoons have declared their intention to ban alcohol forthwith.

UP PELE - AAAAAAAGH! (published 27 January 2005)

Misheard announcement culminates in disaster for former Brazilian football wizard.

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