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January 2008 Archive

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JEREMY PARPMAN (published 25 January, 2008)

While Jeremy Paxman complains to Marks and Spencers about the flimsy nature of their underwear, we can exclusively reveal the real reason behind the presenter's dissatisfaction with his pants' sturdiness. Hear, here: Jeremy Paxman.





HEY JUDE LAW (published 25 January, 2008)

As young Hollywood actors continue to drop like flies, Jude Law stubbornly holds onto life, ignoring the advice of his peers and, indeed, Scottish comedy guitarists. Yes, Tommy Reckless has a cheap shot here: Hey Jude Law.





BOUNCE ACROSS THE WATER (published 18 January, 2008)

Following the snapped cables at Glasgow's squinty bridge and the Forth Road Bridge, it has been proposed that a series of bouncy castles strategically placed in the water would be the safest option for future river crossings. A spokesperson for Transport Scotland, Laurie Van Carr, said yesterday, 'Boing! Boing!'




NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS (published 18 January, 2008)

In keeping with the well known saying, combined with the January blues and an extreme lack of topical inspiration in the Reckless offices, no news was reported happening at the time of going to press. That's good, isn't it?






DO THE LOONY DOOK (published 11 January, 2008)

There's an old tradition in South Queensferry dating back to the 1980s called the Loony Dook, in which hundreds of people jump into the Firth Of Forth on New Year's Day. This year, I took part in this clearly ridiculous pastime and after drying off, decided it needed a song named after it. It's a Cheap Trick, but someone has to do it. Hear, here: Do The Loony Dook




JAMIE CONDEMNS CHICKEN BATTERIES (published 11 January, 2008)

Jamie Oliver has spoken out about Kodak's new range of chicken batteries. 'It's just plain wrong,' moaned everybody's favourite chef with a conscience. 'I will do my best to see they are banned from every shop. Except Sainsbury's, of course.'





I AM DOG-END (published 4 January, 2008)

In the latest Hollyrood blockbuster, Wull Smith portrays John Smeaton - the last man smoking in Scotland, in a new horrific vision of the future where all the fags run out and it's left to Oor Wullie as Big John to heroically continue puffing and coughing till his lungs bleed. 'What a wheeze!' - The Sun








NURSERY STRIKE (published 4 January, 2008)

Nursery schools across the country have staged a walk and toddle out, following Wetherspoons' stance on refusing drink to parents in pubs with kids. A spokesbrat for the Tots and Squealers Trade Union, Wee Johnny, said yesterday, 'It's an outrage! Why can't our mams and dads get bladdered when they're out with us? I enjoy a social drink with my parents occasionally and they often slip me a wee Bacardi Breezer to keep me quiet. I urge toddlers everywhere to unite. You have nothing to lose but your chains to your buggys.'



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