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June 2005 Archive

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(published 24 June 2005)

This week's Reckless is a Billy Childish special as his music picks in this week's Metro deserve to be preserved on the interweb forever. This, my friends, is exactly what music is all about.

Billy Childish's six-track mix

Death Letter Blues by Son House
Songs aren't any good in themselves. It's only sound and performance that makes them authentic. Son House had the sound and the religious intensity to play blues music with force and sincerity. This is his most famous recording. It's good for the soul and educating the masses away from pap and New Romantic dross.

The Gray Goose by Leadbelly
Leadbelly's recordings are always straight and true. On this upbeat number, he sings about how nothing on Earth can beat the gray goose for toughness. There's no producer here, just a man who pressed the 'on' button - that's how I like it.

Last One There by Fire Dept
A top song from Britain's greatest unknown group. Often seen lurking around Brighton, Cambridge and The Fens in the early 1990s, the Fire Dept had a thorough understanding of true rock 'n' roll and were therefore totally ignored by trendy Londoners. Luckily, there were a couple of great LPs recorded. Why no one spins their records or builds statues to them in parks is beyond me.

High and Lonesome by Jimmy Reed
A great upbeat number from the king of shuffling blues that's guaranteed to gladden the heart. Call it blues, rock 'n' roll or punk rock, as long as the players are dressed sensibly, it's alright by me.

Where Were You? by The Mekons
If you've got this, Naive by The Killjoys, Spiral Scratch by The Buzzcocks, Ambition by Subway Sect and 14th Floor by TV Personalities, then you know what good music should sound like and you've got no excuse for listening to David Bowie.

Comanche by Link Wray
Without Comanche you wouldn't have My Generation. Pete Townshend nicked the riff straight off this scorching rendition. Anti-pop, it sounds like the Daleks exterminating The Shadows, which has got to be top rock 'n' roll.

JESUS JUICE - THE MOVIE (published 16 June 2005)
by our Pop Correspondent, Tina Park

Eclectech and Doghorse Productions bring you the song that made the whole world scream. Forget the Duck Custard, see the world's most innocent man extol the virtues of Jesus Juice



HOODIES IN A HUFF (published 15 June 2005)

Staff at KKK Maxx stores across the country are really really mad over the latest attempt to ban them from shopping centres. Local manageress, Bet Lyncher told The Reckless: 'It's no fair,' before stomping off in a right strop.




I.D, I.D, I.D (published 14 June 2005)
Another fantastic Flash video song from the ultra talented Eclectech and Doghorse, this time featuring Gilbert and Sullivanesque goodness. Oh, and the cutest puppy pianist...ever! Here: Charles Clarke


PANTS (published 14 June 2005)
by James Kelly
The owner of an Aberdeen lap-dancing club has flogged a pair of Madonna’s knickers worn in the star's film Body Of Evidence for £1,000. This beats a previous record of 69p paid for a pair of Michelle McManus’s pants used to cover the Millenium Dome.




MONKEY BUSINESS (published 7 June 2005)
by James Kelly

An Indian government minister has appointed a monkey to his staff. The ‘langur’ monkey has the job of scaring away other monkeys who break in and trash the Delhi office. Rangers chairman David Murray said: ‘At Ibrox, I call this a manager.’



MUNCHIES FOR THE MILLIONS (published 5 June 2005)
by James Kelly and Ed
As millions prepare to march on Embra, Kellogs announces its new cereal to cash in on the craze.
Meanwhile, the make poverty history campaign has been dubbed as unworkable by Professor Doolittle of Princeton University, and Big Tam from my local pub.
Professor Doolittle says: 'It should be replaced by make poverty geography with rich countries/areas taking responsibility for poor ones.'
Big Tam said: 'I've been poor ah ma life. Somebody wid huv tae teach me tae be summit else.'
Concerns were also raised for charity shops, with people having nowhere to dump their auld gear.


VIAGRA FOR THE BRAIN (published 3 June 2005)
by James Kelly

Brain boosters being developed by scientists are set to do the same for mental alertness as Viagra has done for sexual performance.

Dr Gary Lynch, who discovered the drug, explained: 'We all have the same computer but we're running with different voltage levels. In effect, ampakines ups the voltage.’

Barry Ferguson’s Agent said: ‘We are very interested and have applied for permission to purchase two nuclear power plants and three thousand wind farms just in case.’

HAUD ON A SECK (published 2 June 2005)
by James Kelly

Inventor Mor Maty Seck has designed an automatic condom fitter, which allows them to be put on in a fraction of the time.

We asked a cross section of the Scottish public what they thought of the new device.

Hamish on Barra said: “Tis the work of the devil. I am a 42-year-old virgin and I still stay with my mither.”

Sharon from Saltcoats said: “Smashin’. It’s just like blowin’ bubbles, except yir dain it oan some guy’s nob.”

David in Dunfermline said: “Forget waiting a “Seck”, I’ve no had ma Nat King in years.”

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