PERSONAL
JESUS TROLLEY (published 6March
2004)
More religiotistic controversy this week as K-Tel relaunched their personal Jesus hostess trolley in the wake of Mel Gibson's fillum about the big felly upstairs. The relaunch follows revelations that Charlotte Church had always been under the impression that, when giving the operatic laldy to Andrew Lloyd Wibble's Requiem, she was singing 'Pies for Jesus': POPE SELLS TIGHTS
(published 6 March 2004)
Yet more religious controversy this week as the head of the catholic church decides to go all commercial like by selling his own brand in leg fittings in order to boost the Vatican coffers . NO SMIRKING DAY
(published 13March 2004)
A new govern mental initiative was announced this week with the launch of No Smirking Day designed to rid society of smug bastards in general. NEW NEWS NEWS
(published 13March 2004)
ITV have announced a rejigging of their news output by having their main bulletins presented by Trevor MacDonald's mole. Other radical steps include the introduction of news for and by babies:
RACE RIGGING
RESULTS (published 20 March 2004) 3 MINUTE SILENCE
ROW (published 20 March 2004)
Voices have been raised over the release of a controversial new compilation album featuring the best minutes of silence ever. Several
MPs and the like have condemned the idea as 'sick'. Music critics have
condemned it as 'boring', while John Cage pronounced it 'derivative.' PIGS
REVOLTING (published 27March 2004)
Exploited pigs across Britain involved in the modelling of shoes staged a revolt this week. Piggets were out in force. Reports of flying piggets, however, were being treated with extreme cynicism. BIGGS BOUNCES
BACK (published 27March 2004)
Convicted train robber and Victor Meldrew lookalike, Ronnie Biggs, has released a comeback single as a homage to the Kray Twins.
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