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Prince Philip has announced he's bored shitless with the Queen and has decided to hook up with a gorilla. 'The sex is a bit rough, but it's worth it to see her adoring face looking up at me in the mornings,' admitted the saucy Duke yesterday.
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Pop squeaker and saviour of the world, Ono It's Bono, was awarded the official bestest person in the whole wide world ever medal yesterday. Said the delighted tosspot, 'Moi letter was only the start of it...God can fix it for you and you and you and bapapa.'
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I said, 'No, No, No.' Hear what happened when Ivor Cutler met Amy Winehouse in this new Reckless remix: I'm Walking To Rehab (mp3, right click, save as...)
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When John Cooper Clarke meets Sheena Easton, only mayhem can ensue. Hear, here: The Day My Pad Went 9 to 5 (mp3, right click, save as...)
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News that Tommy Sheridan's car has been bugged has revealed his predeliction for exciting contemporary music on his CD player. (King of the Swingers here)
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Brand spanking new release of outstanding songs from Tommy Mackay. Get your free copy now here: Dislocation Dislocation
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A Reckless homage. It's a mix of the great Mr Inman's 'Are You Being Served, Sir?' and The Fall's 'Free Range.' The Fall song was recorded live in 1998 when they were having a fight onstage in New York, hence all the lovely swearing and abuse. Hear here: I'm Free Range (mp3, right click, save as...)
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Join our quiz to win win win! Our operators are waiting to take your call. And your money. Just text I M A FEKKIN EEJIT to 0898 0 MY GOD for your chance to be ignored and swindled.
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Following complaints from prisoners this week about the grubby y-front distribution system in jail, Ann Summers has opened a branch in Barlinnie in order to furnish cons with a classier style of undergarment. Inmate, Kevin 'Knuckles' Cyclepath, said yesterday, 'Hmmm, snug.'
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Look out! Look out! There's a bloody lot of blood coming! Click the pic for the full horror, gore fans.
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PHILIP FINDS NEW MATE (published 30 March 2007)
SAINTHOOD FOR BONO (published 30 March 2007)
THEY TRIED TO MAKE ME EAT A KEBAB (published 23 March 2007)
THE DAY MY PAD WENT 9 TO 5 (published 23 March 2007)
TOMMY TAPED (published 23 March 2007)
DISLOCATION DISLOCATION (published 5 March 2007)
I'M FREE RANGE (published 9 March 2007)
UPGRADE NOW! (published 9 March 2007)
PENAL PANTS (published 2 March 2007)