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As Scotland prepares itself for another summer of drunken folk splashing aboot in fields, speculation that the site at Balado will be manned by a skeleton staff was hotly denied by spokesperson for the festival, Tina Park, who confirmed yesterday that it was only famous skinny burd, Kate Moss, doing some publicity shots.
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The international chimp impersonation contest got into full swing this week, with Winston Churchill overtaking the dwindling George Bush entrants. There was controversy earlier on in the competition when Michaela Strachan was disqualified for not actually being a real monkey. Apparently. A spokesperson for the judging panel, Simian Cowell, said yesterday, 'A ee ee eeh eeeh eeh ahhh ahhh!'
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Lord Advocate Angiolini: 'Is that a skean dhu in your pocket, Mr Salmond, or are you just pleased to see me?'
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Following his sterling silver performance being arrested at an Indian restaraunt after chucking cutlery about, Chris Tarrant has launched a new quiz show for foodies everywhere.
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As it emerges that even our MSPs have difficulty voting, we present a free wall chart for all. Click on the pic for our easy to follow handy guide on how to vote at Scottish elections.
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The Carrick Knowe Golf Voting Championship got into full swing yesterday as one fired up punter had a spectacular round at the Breakit Open. Astonished onlookers gasped as ticker tape rained down on their heids following the ripping apart of voting papers by the jubilant player, Nutter Woods. Another punter pointed excitedly at a ballot box, exclaiming, 'He got a hole in one! I've never seen a swing like it!' Sadly, an old favourite on the course, Tommy Sheridan, the King of the Swingers, lost out at the last hole.
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T-HEE (published 25 May 2007)
CHEEKY CHURCHILL CHIMPS (published 25 May 2007)
SALMOND AND THE GREAT SEAL OF SCOTLAND SWORN IN (published 18 May 2007)
WHO WANTS THE TIKKA MASALA? (published 18 May 2007)
EXTREME VOTING (published 4 May 2007)