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As the political world ponders her dubious monetary activities, Harriet Harmony announced yesterday that she is set to launch her new range of hair and image care products. A salivating and impatient nation cried as one, 'C'mon, C'mon. Hurry Up Harriet, C'mon.' Meanwhile, the (not so) secret millionaire at the centre of the funding-a-ling scandal, Father Abrahams, commented, 'Someone iz Smurfing out of tune!'
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A collection of Rudy Giuliani speeches mixed with Suzi Quatro, The Clash, The Specials, Kenny Rogers, Girls Aloud, Green Day and many more. Hear, here: Run Rudy Run
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Tony Henry, the British opera singer who incorrectly translated the Croatian national anthem as 'My dear, my penis is a mountain,' has admitted he also inadvertently sang 'God Save the Quim' during the English national anthem at the start of the vital qualifying game on Wednesday night which the English team then went on to lose. 3-2.
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The missing CDs at the centre of the lost data scandal have turned up at a car boot sale in Drumnadrochan. It is understood hundreds of similar copies are now flooding the lucrative pirate and download market as punters race to grab a new identity.
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The brand spanking new record from Tommy Reckless brings together a whole bunch of parodies and topical tosh in one handy download, or compacted diskette if that is your preference. Get it here: Reckless Rants
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Following the conviction of a man from Girvan for having sex with his bike, a 'spokes'person for the Bike Curious Society, Saddle Hussein, said yesterday, 'If you, or someone you know, has been affected by this story, a bicycle hot line has been set up on 0899 000000. Be sure to ask the operator what gear they're in.' Click here to hear: The Defendant's Plea Also, Topical Tommy declares: I Ride Bicycles
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Police officers patrolling Glenrothes shopping centre have been issued with hi-tech segways in order to crack down on the crack crimewave cracking up the town. Our picture shows young Emily Smith asking for her scooter back.
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Sir Dougal Donnelly, Sheriff of Tillicoultry (it's near Stirling, don't you know) has announced the town's victorious victory in its bid to host the lucrative Tiddlywinks Games in 2041. Speaking from the steps of the toon hall and wiping a massive globule of tears and spit from his fizzog, Sir Dougal explained that the planning department were now in full swing and expected to deliver plans for a fully functioning Tiddlywinks village by 2041. Rumours of a merger with the Llandudno Ludo Finals have been (hop)scotched.
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Notorious underworld hard man and master of disguise, Gary Garotter, has been spotted (pffft) hiding out undercover in the giraffe enclosure in Edinburgh Zoo.
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NEW HARMAN SMOKESCREEN (published 30 Novomber 2007)
PENIS HENRY (published 23 Novomber 2007)
DOWNLOAD DATA DAY (published 23 Novomber 2007)
RECKLESS RANTS (published 2 Novomber 2007)
BIKE CURIOUS (published 16 Novomber 2007)
SEGWAY COPS GET TOUGH (published 16 Novomber 2007)
TILLICOULTRY TIDDLYWINKS (published 9 Novomber 2007)
YOU AIN'T SEEN ME, RIGHT? (published 2 Novomber 2007)