 |
|
The Daily Reckless October 2007 Archive
An initiative has been launched to ensure the right kind of badgers are murdered, following the government's announcement that 80% of them are to be culled. It is hoped the ASBO element will be dealt with first, clearly identified by the wearing of 'I'm a Bad Badger' badges.
----------------------------------------
Once those pesky badgers are dealt with, it is hoped that weasels will be next. An initiative to infiltrate cheese with bees and then feed them to the weasels has already got underway in the government's uncontrollable rhyming laboratory.
---------------------------------------
After all the recent brouhaha, redundancies and general naffness of digital telly, the government has decided just to switch the whole bloody thing off and distribute pianos to all households in an effort to encourage families to gather round for a sing song of an evening.
----------------------------------------
Following the shutdown of TV, the government has decided to hand over the running of the National Lottery to ITV. 'Mwuhaha ha ha,' cackled a delighted Michael Grade yesterday as the franchise to rob people blind was handed straight into his grasping hands.
-----------------------------------------------
The comedy accident everyone's been waiting for finally happened last week, as a truckload of chickens spilled its load all over the A80. Archivists of the oldest joke in the world were said to be delighted at the renewed interest in the ailing gag.
-----------------------------------------------------
The second part of the exclusive Daily Reckless release, mixed by The Plagiarist. Hugh MacDiarmid's classic of Scottish Literature, read by the man himself against a background of varied pieces of music including LCD Soundsystem, Roxy Music, Massive Attack and many many more. Available here: A Drunk Man Looks At The Thistle Part 2
----------------------------------------------------------
The vulture which escaped from an Aberdeenshire nature reserve has been found working the door at a local nightclub. He was heard to squawk, 'If you're not down on the nest list, you're not getting in.'
-------------------------------------------------------
Call The Police! After turning himself in to Strathclyde's finest, Celtic pitch invader, Hoopla Buoyd, pleaded in his defence, 'Da do do do, that Dida dived is all I want to say to you. Da do do do that Dida dived - his innocence won't pull him through.'
----------------------------------------
An exclusive Daily Reckless release. Mixed by The Plagiarist, a unique blending of one of Scotland's greatest ever poets and modern music. Hugh MacDiarmid reads from his seminal work accompanied by some of the greats from the world of music, including Lou Reed, Tchaikovsky, P.I.L., Fire Engines and many many more. Get it here: A Drunk Man Looks at the Thistle
-----------------------------------------
The image of Lady Madonna and Heather Mills has been recovered from the archives of The Daily Reckless in order to make a spurious topical reference to a current news story. A spokesperson for Art, Brain Sewer, said yesterday, 'How divine!' Sydney Devine was unavailable for comment.
|
RADGE BADGE FOR BADGERS (published 26 October 2007)
BEES CHEESE FOR WEASELS (published 26 October 2007)
TELLY IN GENERAL TO BE SWITCHED OFF (published 19 October 2007)
ITV TO RUN LOTTERY (published 19 October 2007)
CHICKENS CROSS ROAD (published 12 October 2007)
A DRUNK MAN LOOKS AT THE THISTLE PART 2 (published 12 October 2007)
VULTURE CLUB (published 12 October 2007)
A DRUNK MAN LOOKS AT THE THISTLE (published 1 October 2007)
MADONNA AND OVERBEARING CHILD RECOVERED (published 1 October 2007)