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This week - Actual Facts 3 The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. Ry Vita Dr Farquar says: How utterly abysmal! What can you get from Argos that thickness that won’t break the first time you use it? There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos . Seb Mahartoot Dr F: Like Tesco I don’t have a clock in the surgery waiting room either. If the punters are 5 minutes or less late for an appointment I make them wait until nightfall and force them to use a sextant. If my patients are any later than 10 minutes I invite ‘passers by’ to come in for rectal examinations showing latecomers what I will do to them if they are not punctual in future. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before it. Melissa Mortals Dr F: I bet forgettable gawky gardening icon Gay Search never takes for granted seeing men languishing about public conveniences carrying mouthwash taking her name in vain either. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand. Alf Koff Dr F: Yes. Please also note. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married but if I combine both our facts together I might get laid after all. Jim Henson first coined the word “Muppet”. It is a combination of “marionette” and “puppet.” Felix MaBaps Dr F: Do you know what Kermit said at Jim Henson’s funeral? Feck all. About 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold each day in the United States. June Awank Dr F: Wow. That’s enough to fill a whole Holland and Barratts shop. These look-a-like anti-depressants and sedatives (Please compare with Dothiapin Zoplicone Risperdone and Olanzapine) make good active placebos allowing me to pocket at least £6 per prescription. If they fail to combat patients psychosomatic symptoms I switch to ‘Smarties’ because they are slightly cheaper and everybody feels happier after an overdose. Mind you, I once prescribed American hardgums to cure diarrhoea for Mrs Timkin but she preferred ordinary suppositories…..in the end. The Three Wise Monkeys have names: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil). Saul Thereis Dr F: Surely you mean ‘I saw that’ ‘I heard that’ ‘I’m gonna tell’. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. Tish Yoo Dr F: Even Doctors get sick. I have a sneezing condition that brings me to orgasm. It’s a wretched malady and can happen at the most inappropriate times. There is no known cure and when the pollen count is high it becomes a laundry issue. When the pollen count drops to zero I prescribe myself pepper. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads. Tilda Cooscumhome Dr F: The word AMERICAN stands for ‘Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps And Nausea.’ Whereas PIA (Pakistan International Airlines) stands for ‘Please Inform Allah’. see also Dr Farquar-Smith on: |
