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The agony uncle who travels incognito to avoid
affidavits
by
Perry Estelle

Edgy Britwit logic chopping on the loose


This week - Magic

I’m a magician. How’s tricks? If that David Copperfield is so good at flying why does he take the cab back to his hotel after a show? Nadia Seemy Nadiadunt

Dr Farquar says: Because he is a cunning stunt (bloody spellchecker!). His 1977 coiffure may be damaged in high winds. Of course he started magic as a teenager when he could make his Mum’s hairspray disappear on a daily basis.

I am a contortionist with a back sprain. When can you squeeze me into your diary? Rick Manecktoo

Dr F: How flexible are you?

I think it’s magic that we can see new galaxies forming through the Hubble telescope, the price of which, is astronomical. How? Ben Knoculuz

Dr F: By Jupiter and the debris around Uranus! I think its all done with mirrors. Yes, as you know, life started with a Big Bang, that is, unless your Father was wearing a mouse sleeping bag. I can look out of my window even now and see Red Dwarfs, White Giants, Worms with Black Holes. But that’s enough about my patients in the waiting room. Only the other day I looked up at the sky and saw the symmetry of the Naked Universe with its wondrous constellations. The stars festooning the twinkling yonder like quicksilver sprinkled across black velvet and as I gazed with awe at the bejeweled heavens I thought to myself….I really must get another slate on the roof of this outside lavvie.

I think I was tricked by traffic cops when I was stopped for drinking and driving. What’s wrong with that? My car was licensed, so why not? Pierce Dazzakhunt

Dr F: Listen. You are only 12 years old. What is a child like you doing with forged car documents and where can I get some.

I’m only six years old and want to grow up and be a magician. Bob Ajob

Dr F: Don’t be silly! You can’t do both.

I think it would be magic if you should be found guilty of gross negligence and executed by electric chair for your many crimes against humanity. I would willingly throw the switch. First, I would leave you just one small mercy by granting you a last request. So what would it be? Barb Dwire

Dr F: That I could hold your hand while you do that shit.

Wouldn’t it be magic if there was a morning-after pill for men? Justin Mapocket

Dr F: Yes. One that changes your blood group would be good.

see also Dr Farquar-Smith on:

Transport
Christmas
New Year
Success
Love
Health
Laughter
The Ward
Death
Cremation
More death
The Generation Gap
Intelligence
Medicine
Diet
Psychics
Body Neurosis
Smoking
Diagnosis
Truth
Drink
Anti-Social Behaviour
Health and Safety
Life
More Life
Yet More Life
Even More Life
Everlasting Life
Thinking
Dreaming
Extra Terrestials
Definitions
More Definitions
Sleep
Friendship
Money
Timewasters
Hygiene
Hair
General Enquiries 1
General Enquiries 2
Halloween
Sheep
Pet Hates
Dementia
Senility or Stupidity?
Conundrums
Conundrums 2
Christmas 2
Aversion Therapy
Personal Experience
Measurement
Growing Up
Surviving Insanity
Testimonials
Challenges
Sexual Harrassment
Murphy's Law
Question Time
Words
Incest
Communication
Finer Details
Parents and Family
Wonder
Riddles
Community
Patriotism
Defying Description 1
Defying Description 2
Good Practice
Sex and the Law
Pigs
Expressions
Superstition
Stress
Work and Life Balance
Teeth
Dogs
Self Esteem
Luck
American Football
Political Correction
Colloquialisms
Actual Facts 1
Actual Facts 2
Actual Facts 3

Household Hints
Ignorance
Wildlife
Pubs
Christmas 3
New Year Resolutions
Marriage

Stupidity
Fear
Home Truths
Home Truths 2
Idiosyncrasy
Carrots
Logic
Experiments
Tradesmen
Conversation Starters
Impotence
Nightmares
Poverty
Near Death Experiences
The Bible
Eating Disorders