God: 'Blame Blair'
has vehemently denied ever giving any advice to the prime minister,
Tony Blair. 'It's nothing to do with me,' boomed the Almighty One,
yesterday. 'All this invading of countries malarkey - that's not in
my remit, matey. You can tell them Americans I'll give them a burning
Bush and all, if they're not careful. While we're at it, can we blame
all those natural disaters on those buggers an' all. Gets me off the
hook,like. I'm sick of taking the rap for everything, I tell you.'
New Bridge for Purgatory
Plans for a second bridge spanning the vast abyss between purgatory and heaven are being drawn up after several incidents of bits falling off the original structure. A spokesperson for Heaven Council, St Christopher Baldpatch, said yesterday, 'This will significantly ease the increasing congestion suffered by the bridge in recent years. There are simply too many people snuffing it these days.' It is understood, the contract to build the new bridge has been awarded to Enric Miralles.