Daily Reckless December 2006 Archive

FREE XMAS CD! (published 22 December 2006)

This exciting new release from the Daily Reckless factory brings together the combined talents of The Foul, They Might Be Gannets, The Plagiarist and Tommy Mackay to bring you an exquisite blend of the best new and old christmas tunes around. Ideal gift for the music lover in your heart. Available here: Purple Reindeer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

FOR FOG SAKE (published 22 December 2006)

Santa has been getting stuck into the Carlsberg Special in the departure lounge at Heathrow whilst his sleigh is caught up in the fog delays. A spokesperson for the international airport, Jeremy Campaschristmas, said yesterday, "He's been sitting there for hours, checking his list to see who's naughty and nice. I'm sure I heard him say, 'Aw, Fuggit, naebody's gettin' nuthin. I hate youse all'"

--------------------------------------------

NAE LUCK EVERYBODY (published 22 December 2006)

Are you waiting for your hamper to arrive? Did you bet on Hearts to set the league alight? As the Reckless winds down for another year, we present to you, our faithful readers, a wonderfully mournful version of the old Slade chestnut, while we wave goodbye to 2006 and that. How terribly festive, we hear you cry. So make sure you have the perfect musical accompaniment to your end of year wallow as you weep into your pint of Bailey's Irish Cream by clicking here to hear: Nae Luck Everybody

--------------------------------------------

WE ARE THE CHEEKY PERSONS (published 22 December 2006)

John Prescott and Lembit Opik have got together with their new girlfriends to form a new gang of four, Cheeky Persons. Commented the mischevious females yesterday, 'This will be a potent new force in British politics. Our main policies will involve the fondling of buttocks and other cheek related activities. We are the cheeky girls, we are the cheeky girls.' They added, 'They are the cheeky boys, they are the cheeky boys. Touch my bum this is life.'

---------------------------------------

ASBLAIR FOR TONY (published 15 December 2006)

The polis have confirmed they've slapped an ASBO on the prime minister following several complaints from concerned citizens about his anti-social policies. A police PR spokesperson, Frankie 'Filth' McThrasher of the yard, said yesterday, 'I can reassure the public that this dangerous individual shall be taken from his place of residence and given a good kicking. That bastard Broon's next.'

-----------------------------------------------

RISE IN SMOKING IN PUBIC PLACES (published 15 December 2006)

After a spate of Glaswegian GPs prescribed Viagra for those trying to give up cigarettes, health officials have noted a huge rise in smoking after sex. ASH spokesperson, Felatio Fagend, said yesterday, 'Smoking may stunt your growth, but Viagra appears to have the opposite effect. It's hard for these people.'

------------------------------------

MAD CAT DISEASE (published 8 December 2006)

Cats with Alzheimer's are on the increase. Our resident GP, Dr Farquar-Smith says, 'They probably catch it from older humans. After all, they both like to play with wool for hours and like evaporated milk and corned beef - all of it leaving dangerous sticky plaque in their neural capillaries and on their dentures.' If you're worried you or a cat near you may be exhibiting symptoms, please consult our doctor's advice here: What are the first signs of Alzheimer's? Also, see below for the doc's invaluable help on demented issues.

---------------------------------------------------

TOMMY SHERIDAN LAUNCHES OWN REALITY SHOW
(published 1 December 2006)

-------------------------------------------------

THE ULTIMATE LOUIE LOUIE (published 1 December 2006)

As an early christmas present, The Daily Reckless gives you the ultimate cover of the ultimate cover song. So many artistes have covered this classic over the years, from The Kingsmen and The Beach Boys to Iggy Pop and Husker Du, so we have handily condensed 50 (that's fifty) of them all into one handy 2.33 minute song. List of Artistes and mp3 here: Louie Louie