The paper that sings the news
MUSIC
MEMORIES OF A YURT FESTIVAL
Fragments from an idea to cover Bowie songs at the All Back To Bowie's show at the 2014 Edinburgh Fringe.
EIGHT LINE POEM
Tactful thistle in Strathmiglo
Surveys the prairie of Dunoon
Mobile phones spin out derision
Nicola puts her twitter feed on hold
To all the cybernats at home
But the key to the meeja
Is in the Sun that pins allegiance to Sky
CENTRAL BELT BLUES
I count the corpses on my left, I find they're all New Labour
We'll be better away, better together today
Do yourself a favour
You can't control it, not Gordon Brown
Nor Darling can revive it
I broke the gooks, I cracked their heads
I'll bomb them out from under the beds
But now I've got the Central Belt blues...
FIFE YEARS
Pushing through St Andrews Square
So many actors flyering (flyering)
News had just come over
We had Fifers left and right here
News guy wept when he told us
Perth was really dire...
LIFE ON BARRS
It's a godawful Scots affair
To the guy with the ginger hair
In his tammy, he's yelling 'No'
Cos Darling told him to say so
Barrowman is nowhere to be seen
As he walks through a tartan dream
To the seat with the clearest view
And he's hooked to the silver screen...
QUEEN BIATCH
I'm up on Scott Monument watching the tourists below
There's a piper on Princes Street trying hard to blow blow blow
Well he's known in the darkest close for pushing ahead when in Jenners
If he says he can play it, then he can play it, but he don't do The Proclaimers
Walk out Easter Road for 500 Miles
Oh no not him
He's so pishy in his tartan tat
In his kilt towel and see you Jimmy Hat
Oh god I could do better than that...
STAR (OF MARKINCH)
Gavin went to Markinch station
Dougie tried to change at Perth
Well he can tell you that he tried
I could make a tram for patients out of Rottenrow ah
Is solentisinger, hey that's hard
I wonder what their translation is for Auchterarder...
BULLINGDON CITY
Hey man - it's not about SNP
Hey man - or even identity
Hey man - Women for Independence
Have a cunning plan to make you see sense
Hey man - Alistair Darling's insane
Hey man - All his work's down the drain
Hey man - Well, he's a total bam bam
He shaking at the knees and then he, and then he
Sez we can't afford to chuck it
Get back to Bullingdon City
Oh, don't lean on Johanne
'Cause she isnae the full ticket
Get back to Bullingdon City
You're full o shite
You know I'm right
Miliband - Hey, don't waste my time, go away
Hey man - I can't take you this time, no way
Hey man - Say Gideon don't crash here
There's only room for one and here he comes, here he comes...