BIG JOHN SMEATON
Forget about your Robert Bruce
and all the men he’s beaten.
The hero of the Scottish now
is a man called big John Smeaton
Big John, Big John
Big John Smeaton
The terrorists they came
to strike fear in our land,
but a big man stood before them,
a suitcase in each hand.
The flaming jeep sped onwards,
but John was in no doubt -
he took a last puff on his fag
and stamped the fucker out.
He saw the polis getting punched.
He saw it as his duty.
The mighty man called Smeaton cried,
“I’m gonnae set aboot ye.”
He took them out in seconds -
you should have seen thier faces.
Big John smiled, his work being done,
went back to moving cases
In the darkest depths of Kabul
they know that they are beaten.
And they won’t try it with us again,
all thanks to big John Smeaton
He's harder than a punk with a mohican
He's harder than Batman when he was played by Michael Keaton
(from the album Idiopathic Hypergraphia)
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