Daily Reckless


BIG JOHN SMEATON
(Jiminez/Mackay)

Forget about your Robert Bruce
and all the men he’s beaten.
The hero of the Scottish now
is a man called big John Smeaton

Big John, Big John
Big John Smeaton

The terrorists they came
to strike fear in our land,
but a big man stood before them,
a suitcase in each hand.

The flaming jeep sped onwards,
but John was in no doubt -
he took a last puff on his fag
and stamped the fucker out.

He saw the polis getting punched.
He saw it as his duty.
The mighty man called Smeaton cried,
“I’m gonnae set aboot ye.”

He took them out in seconds -
you should have seen thier faces.
Big John smiled, his work being done,
went back to moving cases

In the darkest depths of Kabul
they know that they are beaten.
And they won’t try it with us again,
all thanks to big John Smeaton

He's harder than a punk with a mohican
He's harder than Batman when he was played by Michael Keaton

(from the album Idiopathic Hypergraphia)


Previously

My Beautiful Ninja
Her Lips Were Made to Kiss Megaphones
Where I Live
666 Great Junction Street
Joss
Hard Shoulder
Merciless Eyebrows
Sanity is not Statistical
Gie's Yer Jaiket
Middle-Management
I Fought the War (And the War Won)
Dead Cowboy
Carolyn Yes
Chris's House
Hungover and Out
Match Steward
Inscrutable Coupon
The Day We Went To See They Might Be Giants
Michael Cade
Orang Utan
Jesus Hates Me
The Leith Police Dismisseth Us
The Butcher
Zoo Suits
Beyoncé is my Fiancée
That's George Galloway, Son
Of Mince and Men
(Do the) Leith Walk
Bute House Sycophants
Wetherspoons Nights
The Rainbow Song
The Bar is High
WTFAYBOA
Pink Floyd Are Shit
Lost in Franz Ferdinand
Zoinks! A Tenner
Central Belt Blues
Dead Funny
God in a Box
There Was A Rock Critic
Rowche Rumble
Bingo Master's Breakout
Touch Sensitive
Kurt Cobana
Delete As Applicable
When Not To Talk
Panto
Radio Reckless
300 Words
Ad Lib
Don't Involve Yourself
The Sound of Music Falling Apart
Itchy Feet
Rainy Friday
Kill Together
The Plagiarist
It's a Long Way Back to Beethoven
Who Takes The Blame
Please Pass The Milk
I Hear The Wind Blow
When It Wants
Mysterious Whisper
The Guy Who Hit Me In The Eye
New Friend
Heimlich Manoeuvres in the Dark
The Frosty Snowman
Hey! Student
Cindy Tells Edinburgh Man
The Littlest Rebel
Living Too Late
Jawbone and the Air Rifle
Do Not Drink The Tennents
Everything Is Catching On Fire
Rock JD
I Don't Understand You
Darkened Corridors
King of the Swingers
Fuck This Shit
Wherever's the Fuckin' Taxi, Cunt?
Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Heaven
Flesh Number One (Beatle Dennis)
Listening To The Higsons
Bannockburning
Stipetoe In The Rain
Daz For Dania
Mouldy Old D'Oh
Lady McCartney
Tangled Up In Blue
99% of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd
There She Goes
Lashed Christmas
O.C. Clause
Nae Luck Everybody
Parly and Happy
Scary Burd
Love Thy Violence
Elected
The First Minister's Dressing Gown
Damaged Red Goods
Thick Cunt
Davie O'Hara
Strange Behaviour
Are You Being Served The Wright Stuff?
I'm Free Range
Aw Fuck, The Police!
Abba Got Back
Walking To Rehab
The Day My Pad Went 9 to 5
Funktionality
And Then?
Funeral Flesh
Accidental Lives
Philosophy
Alex Salmond

Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Saviour Breath



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