I had a little monkey and he lived upstairs
I fed him on bananas, Tunnocks wafers and pears
But he was getting out of hand, I didn't know what to do
I took him to the vet and he said take him to the zoo
So I took him to the zoo and we had a real good time
Looking at the penguins and the tigers and the lions
And then I said that we were going to see his family
And I took him by the hand over to the chimpanzees
Well he started acted funny and he said, 'Are you insane?'
(That's right - he could talk)
I said, 'What's the matter, Kevin?'
(cos that's my monkey's name)
He said, 'If that's my family then I'm a monkey's uncle.'
So then we were homeward bound like Simon and Garfunkel
Well, he was traumatised for weeks and he wouldn't go to work. Yeah, that's right, he had a job as well. In a call centre in Greenock. Apparently, a monkey can do that easy. They paid him peanuts. But he got pissed off with that because he preferred his Tunnocks Wafers. Anyway, he never went back and he left home, bound for Plymouth.
So he went away
On a long holiday
To the west country
My monkey's name is Kevin
This monkey's gone to Devon
(right click, save as...)
(from the album We Mean Something)
The Reckless 50